Good evening my readers--or should I say good morning? Yes, it is very late for Spencer, and I'm about to go to bed now.
Maybe I'm low on sleep, maybe I'm tired (well, both are true actually...), but I said the below statement in a rather deep email to a friend tonight. For an equally strange and unexplained reason, I'm posting it here. Who knows why! I certainly don't. Maybe I'm just nuts.
"The day will come when I finally get to my guns, and when I do, I tell you, the whole world will shake as I begin my war."
I expect my closest blog friends will understand my meaning quite clearly (to clarify for those who don't, I'm not being cocky or full-of-myself, and I don't mean violence.) I was referring to my life the past few years (as well as my life to come). Back then, I was flush with success, having rapidly attained some small goals that would clearly lead to my big goals (I was taking steps to complete two of my three life goals). Just as quickly, my life collapsed not long after, and soon I was clinging to one last little life preserver, until that too, sank.
I will not lie to you all. It is true when I tell you that I have none of the things I had at that time of my life. Does that mean I've given up?
Until the time comes, until God tells me I'm ready, I will wait. Perhaps this was all His doing. For one, through this trial of mine I've learned more about the nature of this war and more about how to wage it. I've learned more about myself (and more), and was also tested to my breaking point. (Just to tell you, I never did.) I hope you all understand I'm humble when I say this, but really, it's something when you know you did what you had to do, did all that you could do. I may not have won, but at least I fought.
This isn't yet over. Do I have what I want? No...at least not yet. While I truly try not to get wrapped up in what "I" want, I do know that I was put here for a purpose. I believe I know that purpose; if I am wrong, and am meant to serve another, then the taste of victory will be no less sweet.
We were all put here for a reason unique to each and every one of us. Please join me in the war that was, is, and is to come. I will continue to fight the small battles offered me, until I can fight the way I believe I was designed to. I will continue to step forward, will continue to spit in the face of my obstacles (while learning from them in due turn). This is what there is. Why run from it in cowardice? Face it, fight it, and all will be well.
I'm not finished yet, nor will I be until my death. God willing, I hope to cause the Devil a whole world of trouble before I ever retire.
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