Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Are You a Republican, Democrat, or Southerner?

This makes me an ol' Southern boy. But then again I knew that anyway. ;-D

The answer can be found by answering the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

Republican's Answer:

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Southerner's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! Click "D***! I'm out!"
Daughter: "Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one Daddy?"
Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to no Taxidermist!"

P.S. Please do beware a few slightly off-color jokes on the same page.



Son3 said...

I'm a Southerner, minus the language and the fact that I would have an M-1911 and a Ka-Bar.

That's just the kinda guy I am.

olde.fashioned said...

This is ROTFLOL funny! I love it. ;-D

Dr. Paleo Ph.D. said...

Ack! Language? I totally missed that! *edits*

What Ka-Bar model do you have?

guitargirl said...

XD I've read that joke before. My favorite is:

"Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA! *Sigh* Oh, those democrats...

fuzzys dad said...

Southerner and Republican

Son3 said...

No, I don't have a Ka-Bar (yet), I'm just saying that would be what I'd carry.

Sorry. *L*

Johann Van De Leeuw said...

9mm. Glock + 12G Shotgun = (minus language), 100% Southern, eh?

R said...

Somehoe I think I fit best into the "Southern" category. LOL!

Dr. Paleo Ph.D. said...

No, I don't have a Ka-Bar

Ah, I see. I understand. :-P It's that whole "If I had the money/etc...." thing.



Johann Van De Leeuw said...

Heh, my dad thought that was hilarious! (As well he should!) :)
He also thought that nowadays, the Republican would ask the Democrat first.
We're definitely Southern.

Dr. Paleo Ph.D. said...

For some reason (umm, I think I accidentally deleted it...) Nuttycomputer's comment is gone (mah bad, sorreh). Text is here:

I'm a mix between the Republican and the Southerner.

Anything less than three might not stop the threat.

Shooting past the point where the guy is on the ground is just a negative investment.... Bullets are expensive you know.

I carry a S&W 9mm Sigma Everday right out in the open. I love my state.

Me too Jay, but then again it was humorous and to me was more like about a Southerner's mindset not so much his actions in that situation.

I envy thee, btw.... :-P

Stephen Boyd said...

This was obviously not written by a Southerner for two reasons. The "southerner" is either:
a)A horrible shot
b)Incredibly wasteful of ammo

As a 7th generation southerner, my response would have that of the republican, one shot, one kill.


Stephen Boyd said...

I seemed to have missed nuttycomputer's comment...

Oh, wellllll....

I think the bottom line is neither of us appreciate the stereotype.


Dr. Paleo Ph.D. said...

Aww, come on, don't spoil my fun!