Monday, May 11, 2009

A Proposition for the LAPD

L.A. Mayor Villaraigosa to show off 1,700 guns collected in gun weekend buyback
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa plans to show off today the nearly 1,700 weapons collected in a gun buyback program over the weekend.
Police Deputy Chief Charles Beck and other city officials are expected to join the mayor at a news conference in the rear parking lot of Parker Center, the headquarters of the Los Angeles Police Department, where the 1,700 firearms collected Saturday will be displayed.

Officials on Saturday handed out 1,302 gift cards worth $130,200 in exchange for weapons.

As a result of the program, more guns were taken off the streets in Los Angeles than there were shooting victims in the city all of last year, according to the Mayor's Office.

The gun buyback is a component of Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa's 2009 gang plan. The goal of the program is to reduce gun violence.

Handguns and rifles turned in at 19 locations throughout the city were exchanged for $100 Ralphs grocery store gift cards. Semi-automatic weapons were exchanged for a $200 Visa gift card.

Also see:
Villaraigosa Trades Gift Cards for Uzis
LAPD takes in 1,700 weapons in gun buyback program

I watched a few bits of the press conference earlier, and I have to admit, I was so, so relieved! I feel so much safer now.

I'm suddenly rethinking my whole lifestyle, top to bottom. I'm thinking perhaps I should totally disarm myself, maybe even choose not to fight at all or train in martial arts of any kind. Maybe I will give up all my weapons if my local PD does something similar! I'm very confident that, as it is such a prestigious organization as the Los Angeles Police Department, the cause must be a good one and clearly, they know what they are doing. I don't know anything else besides this so can't exactly say if it really works, but I have to believe it does. I's the LAPD, right? Doesn't that make it good?

I'm pretty happy too. I'm thinking that people, in these hard times, decided to turn the other cheek and take care of their families by getting gift cards and giving up their firearms. I'm also pretty sure that a lot of gang bangers had a beautiful change of heart and turned in all of their weapons. Maybe there will be a change in the city. Just think of it! Maybe these violent guys have chosen to feed their illegitimate children instead! I'd even like to think that MS-13 trucked over a ton of their horrible assault rifle thingies (Ugh, dare I speak of such unmentionables!). Of course they cooperate with police...removing guns from normal citizens is also a way of removing guns from criminals as they both often intermix, and the criminals can be shamed into doing the right thing as they see their fellow citizens doing the right thing, and, of course, there is good in all of us. Each and every one! (May I also mention that I am immensely pleased with Visa and Ralph's?)

"These are weapons whose sole purpose is to maim and kill people." --Mayor Villaraigosa

Oh my gosh, that's so horrible! I had no idea that kind of thing goes on...I always thought guns were tools to protect one's self and one's family with, but someone (can't remember who) at the press conference said that giving up your guns would help protect yourself and your family. Therefore I am now convinced that guns, in and of themselves, are evil tools of heinous slaughter!

It is in light of this new discovery, this great new personal epiphany, that I will make a proposition to the LAPD itself. Since guns are nothing more than murderous items, brutal pieces of slaughterous equipment, and since disarming ourselves really, in fact, protects us from violent crimes, I propose that the LAPD, from top to bottom, disarms. We cannot allow such a well-respected group of good repute to be stained with such a scandal! We cannot allow our civil servants, who are meant to serve and protect the very people, to go about with maiming, killing guns. It is simply unsafe to do so, and it is also simply wrong, too.



olde.fashioned said...

ROTFLOL!!! This is an absolute scream, but it's pretty sad at the same time, because there are a lot of nuts who actually seriously feel that way. O.o Just keep on believing that the baddies will have a change of heart and turn in their guns, people! I feel like Mr. Bennet - "You think that Jane, if it gives you comfort!"

Stephanie said...

Oh Spencer! I loved this post. Dripping with sarcasm, and fantastic conclusion. Made my day.

Son3 said...

Spencer, Spencer!

*Virtual face-slap*

What have they done to you?

Speak to me, boy!

Quick, someone bring this man a Guns and Ammo magazine... HURRY!


olde.fashioned said...

Son3, I have to say, you had me laughing so dang hard...LOL!!! Very very funny. You almost made me choke on my M&Ms. ;-P

Son3 said...

Olde.fashioned, I'm glad I didn't choke you!


olde.fashioned said...

LOL Son3, so am I! ;-D