Thursday, March 05, 2009

Spencer's Plan for Economic Recovery and National Reform

Due to the state of our nation's economy, I have decided to become active in the political arena, thus I have written up a proposed 15-point plan for economic recovery. My plan involves spending cutbacks as well as job creation. This will be the plan to fix our nation!

1) Illegal aliens are an enormous drain on the American taxpayer. Beginning a massive deportation plan will create new jobs (as the round-up begins) and, in the end, save all the money that goes down the illegal drain.

2) Desperate times call for desperate measures! Close nearly all animal shelters and only keep open a small number of pounds. If a lost dog or cat is not claimed within 7 days, this animal will be humanely euthanized. And as America is a nation that believes strongly in trade, the bodies of the animals will be sold to Vietnam, where they are a delicacy. This will save money and earn it at the same time. Hey, when the going gets rough....

3) Repeal all gun bans and unnecessary restriction laws. Abolish the need for CCW (concealed carry) permits. This will create a boom in the firearms market. More people will begin carrying, more will begin buying, we will see new owners and existing owners will spend more. That means more money for America!

4) Begin charging the United Nations Headquarters for their use of American soil. Also charge them a sum of 1 billion dollars for every troublesome act they commit. This way, the national debt will very speedily be decreased.

5) Begin drastic cutbacks on public school funding. While America is a nation with foundations in education, it is time to move to the private sector (New private schools = job creation!), the public schools are part of the problem. In a hurting economy only what can prove its worth can be kept. This would also apply to social workers and truant officers.

6) With the new spirit of change and bipartisanship in our nation, I propose that our trustworthy leaders lead the way by taking large pay cuts. We will expect our good friends such as President Obama and Nancy Pelosi to lead the way.

7) Begin handing out the death penalty more. Pedophiles and rapists are first; after dealing with Michael Jackson and such, then we move on to other offenders. This will save lots of money on prison food, not to mention everything else!

8) As long as we are in the Middle East, let's take over all the oil fields and start getting all that gas money back into the American economy. Oh, and more drilling at home.

9) This should have been listed earlier: cut taxes!

10) Strenuously cut down on the lawsuits against citizens who acted in self-defense. Encouraging self-defense means more dead bad guys, and discouraging unwarranted criminal lawsuits means less work for the government. Both mean more money saved!

11) So long as they continue in the quest for finding Marvin the Martian, drop NASA's funding. While we're at it, cut some, if not all the funding to anti-Creationist groups. We must show the world that we are a nation of diversity and welcome differences!

12) Use scratchy toilet paper in all government buildings, as well as cheap, stinky soap.

13) We must begin working with pharmaceutical and insurance companies to save the American consumer their hard-earned dollars!

14) A simple and cost-effective way to go green in the nation would be to paint all public buildings bright green. It is time to turn the White House into the Green House! (Aren't we out to symbolize in Washington change anyway?)

15) And while we are on the subject, halt the popularization of Communism. Red is an expensive color to print.

I am Spencer and I approve this message!


Lady Neferankh said...

Bwahahaha--highly original ;) I am afraid I must object strongly to number 15 though--what about the scarlet and crimson hues in fashion plates?

olde.fashioned said...


Oh. My. Gawsh. I laughed so darn hard...:-D :-D :-D

I'd vote for you! ;-)

I also think that all of our elected officals should start taking public transportation. You know, lead by example, and all that stuff. ;-P

WildWeazel said...

I am WildWeazel and I endorse this candidate.

Dr. Paleo Ph.D. said...

Yayuh. 8-)