Saturday, January 31, 2009

Black stuff, cool stuff, and trenchcoats

So yesterday I helped one of my favorite customers of all time.

As a merchant teller I have lots of regular customers; I know them and they know me. I like that, but due to the lack of sales in the merchant (business) line I've been fighting to be given time on the consumer side. Friday I was able to do just this, and I called a customer to my window.

I saw him carrying this big beautiful (and did I say black?) motorcycle helmet. MY head screamed, "The Warrior ! motorcycle ! black ! cool!" As it's always good to find common ground and honestly I myself simply had to know, I asked him about his bike. A black Kawasaki. 8-D Oooooh! My favorite. All black? I sooo want one.

Then we got to talking about black things, and it turns out he's a fellow...what do you call people like us, blackies? Anyhow, he apparently wears all black, too--except once in a while red, which he told me as he pointed to his red t-shirt. I swept my hand down myself as I said something to the effect of "Well look at me! I'm all in black too. Even my tie is black!" I tugged my tie for emphasis.

Then we got to talking about the obligatory stereotypes people like us have to deal with. What other people stamp us as. I said, "There's nothing wrong with trenchcoats! That doesn't make us scary!" I found that he readily assented! Cooler by the minute. :-D

Next up, guess what? He tells me he just bought a trenchcoat. I myself had looked for one just the night before at Burlington Coat Factory*, and they didn't even have one! This old Indian employee, apparently he didn't even know what one was...I even tried using the word "goth" even though I'm not goth just to trigger something in his head...but no. :-/ Anyhow, I quickly mentioned The Matrix (Note: I dislike the film because of conflicting worldviews but I loooooove Neo's style) and truth be told it's a Matrix repro coat! Aaaahh! I'm going nuts right about this point, and I snatch a pen and paper and demand to know where he got it. He gave me the website ( but told me that it was discontinued but that I might be able to get them to sell me one if I hurried still. (*iz sad* As the price was over $400 for his anyways, I simply cannot afford it any way you slice it. :-( ) Didn't I say this would be cool? ;-D

Somewhere in our conversation he said that the bank should give customers the option of black debit cards; I instantly agreed, and said we should both petition the bank to do just that! Then he says we should also have some Celtic designs on the card too; I giddily declare my own delight at such an idea, and add the idea of dragons.
(It was loads of fun, each one of us was one step ahead of the other at several points in the conversation but each time we completely agreed!)

This whole convo made me happy for the next hour, and it was a serious load of fun. One of my all-time favorite customers, right there. So:

I want a trench coat. Exactly. Like. Neo.

I want a motorcycle. Black.

I want a motorcycle helmet.

Ah yes, and when I don't want to scare sheeple, I want a less-trenchy coat just like Bruce Wayne's in Batman Begins (when he discovers the batcave).

About all that stuff, too.... Just because we wear black, just because we like trenchcoats, does not make us killers. We are not bombers, serial murderers, Columbine-esque shooters, psychopaths, cultists. We are not crazy racists, we are not bloody vampires, or morbid creeps.

We're people, and we merely like black. Contrary to popular belief, we aren't goth, we aren't crazy, emo, or gravely disturbed, we aren't racists, and, believe it or not, we actually don't want to kill the whole world, k? There is no reason to be so afraid of us. I get so sick of that....

So, if you wanna be all black, be prepared for some sheeple fear. The little digs are just the beginning...but hey, do I look like I care? :-D


*I swear, I didn't go there for that, I merely took a peek.... I had to go buy *ladies, do not proceed!* a new pair of dress slacks as my zipper had literally broken while at work. I concealed it long enough for me to whisk a stapler into the men's room, and I got it fixed pretty well, only I couldn't get back into them. :-/ I ended up messing them up more, so I snuck to a store on the next corner and bought the only pair they had in my size, black pin stripe. Gar. Hate pin stripe. It's crampin' mah style! My plan had been to wear them just for the remainder of that day, go buy better, all black ones, and return the pin stripes but since I failed and I've actually started wearing them now, I kinda feel obligated to keep them and not return them. *sigh*


olde.fashioned said...

I really enjoyed this post, (made me laugh!) despite your Pitiable Plight of the Pinstriped Pants. *pats you* (forgive me also for reading past the ladies' warning!)

I agree that black is wonderful! There's nothing quite so chic and stylish as all black. :-) If I had to wear only one color for the rest of my life, I would pick black. But I'd hope I could still wear my turquoise bracelet, because I like that. ;-P Ha ha ha, oh dear, I'm mentioning jewelry on my brother's blog.....*runs and hides*

You forgot to tag this with BB. ^-^ And what about John Lee's sense of style? ;-P

P.S. Bruce Wayne beats Neo any ol' day. :-P

Ipwergis-Pudding said...



Ipwergis-Pudding said...

Oh, by the way, have I ever told you that my favorite color is white?

But we can still be friends. :)

olde.fashioned said...

Oh, by the way, have I ever told you that my favorite color is white?

Well if we're talking interior decorating, then my favourite color is white, too! My room is white. I like different colors for different things. ;-)

Gravelbelly said...

Interesting! I almost always dress in all black.

So does WARSKYL reader Seth, from Peoria.

Of course, denying that we are psychos is proof that we are psychos (at least in the minds of the paranoids -- not that there's anything wrong with being paranoid).

Paranoia is my chief defense against all the people who are out to get me.